I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I love you. Go after that dick
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
