see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
