I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
