six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize