Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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