Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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