Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
