the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
