i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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