Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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