Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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