she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
