making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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