oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
