Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
