I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
