too bad you live with your parents still
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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