is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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