we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
