Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
