Plan B is the new Plan A
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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