closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
