I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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