I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
