I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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