there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
