OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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