he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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