we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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