jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
