Yo dont text me then not text me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This is my gift to your gina
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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