I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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