You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
