So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
