I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
