it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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