He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
