Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
