Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
