why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
