You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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