remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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