If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
