got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
