Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
