Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
