I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
