everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
