i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
