If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i've created a new STD.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
