well I can't set my house on fire every night
I feel great
I just peed on a car
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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