I heard we made out
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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