Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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