Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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