I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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