I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
