This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize