You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You're a waste of cheezeits
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
