Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
