What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
