You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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