Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize