Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
