do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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