Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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