Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
