The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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