Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
